Happy to be Me

As I sit down to write this post I have mixed feelings. I seriously thought about deleting my blog and Face book all together. I didn't post on either one for nearly 4 months. Yes I did that on purpose. I have my own reasons that I won't go into. But over the last few weeks I have been thinking about lots of different things. I've decided that I cannot let the bad define me. I am who I am. I have a hand full of people who genuinely care about me, and I'm not talking about the "oh yah I know her" type people. It is the people who care about me, who lift me up when I'm down, who love me despite of my short falls, who give me guidance when I need to vent, and enjoys a good afternoon lunch with no kids =). These people know who they are and I love them all so much and I only pray I can be there for them as much as they are for me.

Today I'm breaking my silence and going to stop being a hermit for a little bit because I have so much to share. Last Sat was one of the best days I could ever imagine. It started at 7am when I got up and was getting showered. Chad called to inform me that he had done it. After Years of frustration, tears, stress, moving, patience, being tore down, interview after interview, Chad has finally been promoted!! We are so excited for this new opportunity. Although He will still be working the night shift it hasn't been as hard as it was years ago. So we will take it =)
As the day progressed it just got better from there. at 8am I went down to pick up our tickets and my parking pass to be able to take the Young Women of our ward (you probably didn't know but I"m the Beehive advisor now) to the cultural celebration that we put on for President Thomas S. Monson. You see Our Temple has been under renovation for over a year and it was being rededicated this weekend. So Sat night I got to sit in an arena with 9,000+ youth in the presence of our Prophet. And to make the day even sweeter I got to have lunch with one of those amazing people I mentioned earlier.
Words can't express the feelings of happiness I had that day.

Although this next item happened a few months ago it was a huge decision and we made it with heavy hearts, lots of prayers and tears, and weighing good and bad. We had been talking about it for months (see post HERE )In the beginning of the year we took Carsyn to take the ISAT just to see how we were doing with is homeschooling. Well he scored awesome! Then towards the end of the summer he came to us and asked to be able to attend Public school. He needed a change. I also needed a change. The contention in our home was off the charts. I felt that Corbyn was being left behind because of our focus on keeping Carsyn caught up. So after months of contemplating, we decided we would enroll him ONLY if they would let him be in 5th grade. We were told they probably would give us a hard time about that because he was only supposed to be going to 4th. We were also told by people that someone they knew was aloud to skip a grade but really struggled and advised us not to. Well for one he wasn't "skipping" 4th we had just done it already. Well when we went down to enroll him we put down 5th and nobody questioned it. We took it as one of the signs we were doing the right thing. Later on We had his IQ tested and he is a smart little turkey. In 1 section of the test he scored in the 99th percentile. So with that he was accepted into the GATE (Gifted and Talented) program. Carsyn loves school so much and is having a great time. He just finished up his first trimester with straight A's
As for me it is a love-hate situation. I just always pictured myself as one of those amazing Mom's who home-school 10 kids and they were all musically talented and perfect. For for me to admit defeat and face the facts that I am not going to be able to do that, was really hard to do. But I learned that it's not about "Me" and "My Needs" it was about Carsyn and his educational needs. I was no longer able to provide what he needed. My homeschooling will continue with the other children until the day comes when we feel they need something more.

On Oct 22nd I made a commitment to get healthier and lose some of the extra baggage I have accumulated. So far I have lost 8lbs. my ultimate goal is 20 so we're getting closer. Once I've lost  20lbs I will look into losing another 10 but right now 20 is my goal.

Anyway this post is getting long so I will wrap it up by saying I'm so grateful for my Heavenly Father and the  love that he has for me. I'm so grateful for my Husband and my boys they are all so awesome and I couldn't ask for more.