Sabbath Day Woes... =(

When it comes to My Faith in Jesus Christ and the Testimony I hold dear in my heart I will never leave the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. But right now in our current family situation I struggle so hard to get excited about Sundays. I love going to church. I love hearing the lessons and talks. I love the spirit I feel. However I havn't been able to expiriance any of that in a long time. When Chad has to work on Sundays and I go all by myself the struggle starts on Saturday night (well Sat at 4pm)And now since the meeting time changed to 9am it became instantly harder. I spend my whole 3 hours fighting. Needless to say when we get home from church it cerntainly isn't the peaceful spirit we feel. The last few weeks have been especially hard and I end up in tears from humiliation from the way Cooper has been. I come home in tears wondering why I even bother. There are some people who try to help and somtimes it does but usually not. I try to hide in the Mothers lounge since there isn't many other places to go but I usually get run out of there from Mothers needing to nurse their babies. So I end up walking around carrying the screaming child while paople just stare at me. Yesterday was no different. I tried to go sit in the nursery but since he isn't 18mo yet I just feel like I'm in the way and shouldn't be there. Unfortunaly there is no solution right now. I still have 2 months before He goes to nursery. But I'm not sure I can handle much more before I crack. I think next week I will just deal with my guilt of not going and stay home. Then at least maybe the people around me can enjoy their time at church with out the crying inturruptions from my Child.